There was life before you, there was life during you, I never thought there would be life after you. I never thought the last hug was going to be just that, the last. I always thought we had all the time in the world. I couldn’t even comprehend my last moment with you. All the things we will miss together. Your first steps, first words, first day at school, your graduation and so many more moments we can’t share. I love you, my sweet angel.
I guess, I guess, I guess this is the end. You are so tiny and innocent lying there, your steady heartbeat on the monitors. I’ll have to learn. Learn life with you gone. To be somebody else. The time that felt never ending, cut abruptly. It’s been you and me. Since before I was me. Life had meaning with you. The day I first held you in my arms. Born too early for a world that would only hurt you. Maybe God wanted his sweet angel back. I resent Him for that. I just wish we had more time.
With… without you, I don’t yet know quite how to live. I can’t keep you hooked up to these machines for much longer. Your heart beats but you are gone. If I could keep you, just one more day. Just one more smile to keep the pain at bay. Anything of you, I would keep close to the crypt of my heart. A soft touch on my shoulder and I know it’s time this is my final goodbye. I love you. My sweet angel. Beep* Beep* …
Just this quiet after you. It’s still as a pond. I am staring into, so still. Even the wind couldn’t create a ripple. Will I ever forgive God? He took you too soon. Will I ever forget this loneliness you left. The joy you gave me will stay still, the pain with it, still.
A casket should never be that small. They lowered you into the ground today. The cold snow falling down, you would have loved the snow. You weren’t even heavy. It was so hard to watch. I felt the crack in a dam, each eulogy a wrecking ball. Weaker each and every time. I loved you so much. We all loved you. I still love you so much. The dam won’t break. I will fix it myself, it is what you would have wanted. I will keep your memory alive.
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My sweet angel, it has been so long since we laid you here. You would have turned six today. Each year has gotten easier with your absence. It still hurts looking at your nursery. Collecting dust. We will need to clean it soon. Not fit for a baby. You would’ve been the best big brother. We are going to name her after you. Angel, I think it suits her. When she is born we will visit you again. To meet her, the sweet baby girl, you would have loved.
From here, I can say, thank you. From here, I can tell you thank you. You shared so much love, I thought life was meaningless after you. Although here I am standing strong for you. You were too sweet for the world, so God took you back. He sent your sister down instead to be here for us instead of you. I know you watch over us. Thank you.
I love you, my sweet angel.
Inspiration, Mitski.
Snake Vessel 